(09 Feb 2009)

The student asks:

My meditation has recently revealed an extraordinary sense of 'buried' energy and creativity. I sometimes feel very childlike and playful in this space, like I have an endless field to play in . But there is something very frightening about this energy and creativity that feels like an explosion waiting to happen - and it is that sense of explosion that is scary.

Is it possible to ask questions without asking them? Does that make sense? Can one be confident the questions are being asked 'within' without needing to consciously think them and simply rest in the scary place when it happens ? This feels 'right' to me but I am not sure it makes sense.

Lama Shenpen responds:

It makes a lot of sense. It is not necessary to actually ask questions verbally. What is necessary is to go to the place from which the question arises and that is a scary place because its a 'don't know' place and so you are completely exposed when you stay there. You have no support other than trusting the truth of your experience and not minding that it feels weird. So my advice is to keep moving along with your sense of what feels 'right'. After all, what else are you going to rely on? Even if I were to give you some other answer, you would still have to struggle with it until you found within yourself some sense of how what I was saying was 'right'. You would still have to rely on that sense within yourself wouldn't you?

The student continues:

What questions would help me to explore this explosiveness of energy in a deeper way?

Lama Shenpen responds:

How about asking what is the interface between my body and the world?

If you cannot find a place where they are separate, can you let yourself be so simple that you no longer cling onto thoughts that make your awareness and the world seem separate and different. In other words let the energy that you feel inside be the same as the energy you feel that is outside and find the place where they meet and flow together.

The student continues:

How does this energy and creativity relate to Openness, Clarity and Sensitivity and compassion? Intellectually, these have always felt quite 'passive' to me (ie being alive being quietly and modestly contented), even though wonderfully connected at the same time. The sense of energy and creativity says the complete opposite, however.

Lama Shenpen continues:

The energy is the energy of Openness, Clarity and Sensitivity. There is no other energy in the universe. The universe is Openness, Clarity and Sensitivity.

At the heart of it all, the heart of the universe or the heart of our being (same thing) there is this creative living essence, which is compassion. It is the power of compassion to respond appropriately to the needs of all beings; its true nature is a joyful play of being. There is nothing passive about any of this. Quietness and modest contentment are options! If they are the appropriate response at any moment then that is what will manifest. There is not just one bog standard appropriate response!

It reminds me of joke I once heard. A musician was learning the fiddle and ended up playing just one long note, on and on and on, hour after hour. His wife tentatively pointed out to him that other musicians played many notes, not just one. He said yes, he realised that. It must be that they were still trying to find it.

The scary part of the energy is that we find it hard to be simple so we think we have to control the energy. It is clearly uncontrollable so that is quite scary. However, if we can relax into the essence of that energy and not think of ourselves as somehow separate from the rest of the universe and in need of controlling it, then the energy has a natural way of expressing itself that is always compassionate. If what we do is not compassionate it is because we have interfered with it too much and meditation is about learning not to interfere. It takes a long time to arrive at completely uncontrived compassionate activity so we have to watch out all the time for self-deception. Nonetheless, when you think about times when you actually came up with a genuine compassionate response, it was always spontaneous wasn't it? We find we come up with it before we have even realised what it is that we were doing. The energy of compassion just bubbles up as pure energy - like a laugh!